At 48 years old I thought I no longer needed to set goals in my life but I found recently that I am completely wrong. Read more to see why.
My Midlife AHA Moment
While enjoying another midlife book, Life Reimagined, this morning a revelation came to me. It was one of those “aha” moments that we all love to experience where your life can suddenly change for the better.
Recently, I left a bad relationship that lasted 4 years. He was a very toxic man for me and throughout the years I had become a shell of myself, someone I no longer recognized.
Ruminating over the last 4 years since the breakup I couldn’t help but think of myself as weak-minded and, frankly, stupid. I thought I was a pragmatic woman that made good life decisions. So why did I let him in? Why didn’t I leave when my gut told me to or when I realized he was toxic? How did I let him manipulate me like he did?
Read also : The Biggest Regret of My Life at 48
As I read the following words I suddenly felt lighter, like I finally decoded a puzzle I had been working on for 4 years.
There it was, smack right there in the page of that book, telling me that I LACK GOALS.
I lacked goals when I met him at 48 and I still lack them at 52 years old.
It is that simple.
I’ll explain how that is directly related to letting a toxic man into my life but first why goals are important in your middle years.
Why Midlife Goals are Necessary
As the passage stated, we tend to have these social or cultural constructed goals throughout our lives whether that be graduating from school, a good career, having kids, buying a home, etc. These goals keep us focused on what we want and need. They also keep us hopeful for our better future.
Working towards goals can keep someone focused on a prize, stimulate your brain into learning new things, give structure to your life and ultimately a feeling of prideful accomplishment. Goals keep your mind and body fit and ready for your future.
Yet as we hit midlife we are no longer expected to have these goals simply because we reached many of them or don’t want to anymore. Maybe this is why so many people feel like they are going through a Midlife Crisis – the lack of externally framed goals removes our purpose in life.
At 48 I was, in essence, lost and that’s what opened me up to someone that offered “his way”. Which was the wrong way for me.
I Left Goals Behind and Let a Toxic Man Into My Life
Throughout my life I chased the same societal and cultural goals as my peers yet as I reached 48 I no longer felt I needed to have goals anymore; I felt done with attempting to try so hard, it was time for a break. Plus I had reached my objective, to buy an RV and live on the road.
That’s about the time I met him and let him into my life.
I’m honestly wondering now, did my lack of focus and no steady plan for my future created a woman (me) that was ripe for someone to manipulate and take advantage of?
That the lack of goals at midlife made me weaker in some sense.
This is all my theory but I feel it may have been part of my problem at that time.
My Midlife Goals and Purpose in My 50s
Whether having no clear, actionable goals made me weak or not I’m at a time in my life where I feel I need to be stronger.
Having solid goals to work towards and achieve gives me purpose. When I was younger I was a student, wife, and mother, they all gave me purpose.
When I reached midlife those were all gone and I was left with just me.
I never knew I needed to first and foremost give myself purpose as Allie, a woman.
And that is what I’m going to do now.
I’ve done some deep diving into my life these last 4 months, analyzing and researching what went wrong and what I could do at 52 years old to improve my life and situation.
I decided to take on the big issues I feel are most pressing for me right now, my mental health and financial independence.
The pathway is still a little foggy, just like my perimenopausal brain, but I know I’m on the right path.
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Watch my latest YouTube video on Midlife Goals below
Are You Making the Same Mistake I Did in Midlife? // Reinventing Myself at 52
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I’m Allie. At 48 I set out solo to live in my RV. That journey is on hold but my passions for hiking and living well in my 50s still live on! Join me below for more inspiration and adventures. We’re older but even stronger!
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