For the first time in my life I’m doing something really big just for me. I’ve set BIG GOALS in midlife and I’m charging forward without looking back. Come with me on this journey of struggle, risk and hopefully big reward!
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Rebirth at 52 Years Old
I’ve been reflecting on my life lately, thinking about how this is not how I envisioned it 4 1/2 years ago as I set off to live in my RV.
Back then I lived with my mom for a spell yet under completely different circumstances. Living with her and her husband was a jumping off point between selling my home and hitting the road full time. This time I’m here because I technically have nowhere else to go. I let a toxic man into my life that lied, manipulated and stole from me. That relationship ended very badly and now I’m rebuilding from scratch.
A couple of months ago I felt helpless and hopeless, wondering if I’d ever get out of this emotional and financial chasm.
Yet today I’m beginning to see my future again. Step by step I’m bringing life back to my story, and I’m going to build it stronger than it’s ever been. Because I’m not going to let anyone take my freedom away from me again.
I’m reinventing myself.
This is the rebirth of Allie at 52 years old.
What It Means to Reinvent Yourself at Midlife
Have you ever felt you wish you could erase the last few years of your life? That you regret who you were during a time of weakness?
I’ve felt like this for a few months now after the breakup from a toxic man that was in my life for 4 years.
Read : The Biggest Regret of My Life Happened at 48
I guess technically I don’t want to erase the years because there were fun times and I did learn some extremely valuable lessons yet the repercussions of being with him will haunt me psychologically and financially for years.
This is why I’ve been doing a deep dive into my life, analyzing myself and figuring out how to rebuild myself to a stronger, wiser woman, even at 52 years old.
The Keys to Rebuilding at Midlife
How does one go about rebuilding in midlife? Well, with lots and lots of patience, persistence and goals.
As I did the deep dive of who I am and what needs to change I realized two major themes stuck out that I truly never seemed to have conquered in my life – my psychological well-being and creating a sustainable income for myself. I’ve been simply calling these “aspects” of my life that need work.
I realized two major themes stuck out that I truly never seemed to have conquered in my life – my psychological well-being and creating a sustainable income for myself.
Aspect #1 : Revamping My Midlife Brain
I desperately need to fix myself psychologically, otherwise I’m doomed to make the same stupid mistake again in letting a toxic man into my life.
In examining my thoughts and actions while I was with him as well, as after the breakup, I’ve come up with methods to heal.
First and foremost, I’ve been researching. I’ve discovered words like co-dependent, narcissist, empathetic, toxic behavior, gas-lighting, red-flags and the list goes on. Some of these are not foreign to me yet I truly never researched them for my health benefits.
(Let me mention here that I am not diagnosing him or myself with any medical conditions, I’ve noticed patterns in the relationship that mimic those in certain toxic situations and look to that to help me in my case. Also at this time, I don’t feel I need therapy, though I’m not removing it as an option some day.)
This research is the basis for my journey forward, it puts meaning to my thoughts and actions. And has helped me develop plans to set into action.
Below are my action plans I practice everyday I’ve developed to help me begin the healing process and become a stronger woman. I review these more in the video I link below so I won’t detail them here. And I’ll be writing in more depth in the future as I follow my progress.
- Forget past bad events with him, yet don’t forget the emotions attached. I tend to look back at negative events trying to make sense of them, yet, honestly, they will never make sense and I will never get answers from him. So I’ve detached myself from the events as to not continue to trigger harsh emotions that keep me in a state of anger or sadness. The overall emotions of the relationship linger yet the individual occasions.
- I distract myself. Somedays I do find it harder to detach and when this happens I force myself to think of more simple, happy thoughts and/or perform simple tasks like doing laundry or go for a bike ride. I’m trying to replace the negative thoughts and feelings with something positive.
- I keep very busy. In doing this I don’t think about him. I’ve decided to throw myself into working extremely hard and smart to secure my financial future (explained below) and this keeps me super busy.
Each day I get stronger and stronger and he holds less and less power over me. Using the research, being aware and taking action is helping me heal.
Helpful Reading : Dealing with My MIDLIFE CRISIS in My 50s
Aspect #2 : Financial Strength in My Later Years
The last time I was financially independent I felt, for lack of better word, invincible. I don’t know what it is about making and managing your own money that creates such a sentiment but it feels very good.
Maybe it’s the idea that you are technically independent of needing anyone financially, you’re less vulnerable that way and can focus more on the relationship rather than the struggle.
After a couple of years being with my ex-boyfriend I began to struggle financially and I vividly remember him pushing back, encouraging me to not make any money. And I fell for it. I didn’t pursue creating income. I trusted him at that time and thought he had my best interest in mind. He did not.
Right now I’m broke. I’ve depleted my precious savings that was there for my future and security. For the last few months since the breakup I’ve begun to build income again.
I’ve not only worked very hard on building my YouTube Channel but my blog as well. I’ve been taking courses, learning how to write a resume again and what types of businesses online I could build for my future.
Once again I’m dreaming of buying a home, traveling and being a self-sustaining midlife woman. It feels wonderful and I can’t wait to share all the details with you here in my blog and on my YouTube channel.
Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter for weekly updates, all the good, the bad and the ugly, I won’t be sugar-coating this journey.
Thank You for Stopping By!
I’m Allie. At 48 I set out solo to live in my RV. That journey is on hold but my passions for hiking and living well in my 50s still live on! Join me below for more inspiration and adventures. We’re older but even stronger!
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