Midlife Failure : Why Am I Still Scared in My 50s?

Day Hiking, MY MIDLIFE JOURNEY

Why am I still failing at midlife

At 50 I assumed most of my fears were gone, that I conquered them with experience and determination. Yet not this fear. 

Welcome, I’m Allie. Midlife hiker, adventurer and RV roamer.   These are my tales of the ups and downs of being in my middle years.

Those Lifetime Fears Keep Creeping In

These are the types of days I’ve always dreamed of. The life of traveling with a partner, watching sunsets, hiking cool trails and eating yummy food.   Just living a simple life with simple pleasures, especially in my fifties.  

Almost a decade ago my life changed with the divorce of the man I thought I’d do this with. Since then I’ve realized life doesn’t always go as planned or wished.

I was hard on myself for having a divorce, letting my kids down and failing at having a solid relationship. It took years of working on myself to learn to let this go. To let go of the fear of failing those I love. For if I failed them at love then they wouldn’t love me back, aka the fear of being unlovable.

It has taken well over 10 years to realize I can be loved. I only achieved this through some therapy, self-help books, friends who love unconditionally but mostly from finding love and respect for myself.

By Midlife I Learned About Giving Grace

A huge part of overcoming fear is giving yourself the grace to make mistakes. It’s ok to fail, to fear, or to hurt. If one accepts these as part of the human journey they can learn from fear, mistakes or hurt to heal and become stronger.

I’ve learned to give myself grace. I mean, I’m human, I make mistakes. (Isn’t there a song with those lyrics from the 80s?)

This process has given me freedom and I’m very happy these days. I live a life I’ve dreamed.

Except for this day. Where I felt like a failure in a place I rarely fail – the trail.

I Still Fear and Fail at 52

It’s March time to spend my roaming life in the desert.

I love the desert. I never in a million years would’ve believe I’d ever say that. I grew up in California and the mountains always called me to enjoy higher elevations among the pines.  Yet not all California mountains have pines, this one in particular in the Mojave Desert, called Cupcake has no trees. 

I’ve had my eye on this peak for years. You can see it from Lake Havasu City where I hang out much of my winters as an RV roamer.  

And I finally got the chance to see higher elevations in the desert. but there’s one caveat: I’d have to hike on the side of a mountain. I’m terrified of heights and not sure I’ll make it up.

Have you overcome fears in your life? How did you accomplish this feat? Comment below.

Watch how I TRIED to handle my fears below.

Thank You for Stopping By!

I’m Allie. At 48 I set out solo to live in my RV. That journey is on hold but my passions for hiking and living well in my 50s still live on! Join me below for more inspiration and adventures. We’re older but even stronger!

And as always, thank you for coming by! That’s the kindest way to support!

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Last modified: July 14, 2024

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