Wednesday, March 30, 2022 Arizona
He’s Back in My Life
I knew heading into Lake Havasu I may run into my ex John. I especially didn’t plan to see him at all for the few days I planned on staying here. I even stayed in a camp area that I knew he wouldn’t be.
I had just started to heal from our year together traveling over 20,000 miles around the United States. We had a very strong history and bond together.
So I guess it would simply be fate that our paths cross again in the place we met in the first place, Lake Havasu.
Read a little more about John here.
6 Weeks of Healing in the Desert
For the 6 weeks after the breakup I meandered Arizona meeting friends, hiking, riding my bike, exploring but mostly healing. Not all from the breakup with John but healing mental wounds from long ago, wounds I seemed to hold onto like badges of hurt, reasons to feel sorry for myself.
These wounds I carry affect all my relationships from family, friends and partners (John). I had accepted that the people I love and care about have wounds of their own so I patiently stand with them as they trudge through life. But I never did the same for myself.
I recall learning years ago the saying, “You can’t give what you don’t have”. You can’t give love if you don’t have it for yourself. True love. Accepting love. Forgiving love. The love you are willing to give someone else but truly can’t since you don’t have any for yourself.
I had been trying to do all that for myself for at least a decade. Somehow the last year of my life with John on the road, work I had already done for years, those 6 weeks after the breakup and thinking about who I wanted to be going forward, all came together as I would sat quietly alone in the dark starry skies of the Arizona high desert.
My past, present and future all combined to somehow make me whole in late March 2022. Somehow the good and bad experiences along with the emotions I’ve encountered in my 50 years on this earth were part of me, no, ARE ME, and I accepted it all. I realized I was not the same person I was just a few weeks prior yelling at John to “Get out and drive on, I never want to see you again!”.
That angry woman was gone. She no longer felt rage in her heart from the hurt she experienced in the past. That was my past. I COULD CREATE MY FUTURE ME!
This thought was like a revelation!
Seeing John Again
It had been 6 weeks since I had seen John. I left him in Temecula, California expecting to never see him again. As a matter of fact, I never wanted to see him again, it was a fiery breakup.
But Hunter and I had agreed to backpack Lake Havasu to sleep on a beach cove. How fun that was going to be!
I knew John was there in Lake Havasu City, Arizona. He posted where he was on Instagram. Plus it’s his home-base as well as mine.
But I knew where he’d park and I’d just avoid that location.
When I cruised into town I tried a camp area where I knew John wouldn’t camp. Yet I didn’t like it there – too close to powerlines and highway 95. I cruised south a bit to another camp location and that one worked.
Hunter met me and we backpacked. Done. We can hang out for a bit back at camp with no worry of running into the dreaded EX.
I Don’t Believe in Fate
As fate would have it, the camp area I was staying at had a very angry man parked here. The type of man that is unpredictable and very angry with life. Hunter and I had the (un)pleasure of being yelled at before our hike. We had hoped he left by the time we got back from our backpacking trip but he didn’t. So I did.
My rule as a solo female nomad is if I don’t feel comfortable, I leave – right to the camp area my ex-boyfriend, John, was staying.
I text John to let him know I was heading in to park close. I felt it was the courteous thing to do. (Later he told me he was shaking nervous about all this.)
It didn’t take long for John to walk up after I parked – barefooted and with a deep desert tan, just like I remembered the crazy man.
He came in for a hug and I melted in his arms.
FUCK!
This is what I knew would happen. I still wanted him in my life.
Healing Together
We spoke in depth that day and the days to come of how both of us healed during our 6 weeks away from each other. We both didn’t really focus on each other but healing ourselves during that time. This is why and how I was able to take John back – we both did some major healing on ourselves.
Now we can continue our gypsy ways and soul healing together.
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