Thursday April 7, 2022 Picacho Peak, Arizona
“Let’s hike Picacho tomorrow!” John said as we headed off to bed.
I hadn’t given Picacho Peak much thought since I peaked it twice in 2021, once with my friend Stephanie and once with John. It’s a difficult trail to hike. There is a huge incline for 1.5 miles to the peak that includes a cable system, steep drops, loose rock and a steep ladder climb. I certainly wanted to hike it again but hesitated since there are so many other trails in Arizona we can trek. Why repeat?
But the idea sounded fun and I agreed with John, “Yes! Let’s climb to the top!“
The Trail Always Provides (Usually Unexpectedly)
After accidently sleeping in longer than we wanted and a quick breakfast of banana and toast with almond butter, we drove the 30 minutes from Pump Station Dispersed BLM to the foot of Picacho Peak!
Unlike previous trips I had taken to Picacho Peak State Park, the parking lot was pretty empty, usually it’s full. This means we’ll have the trail almost to ourselves! Yay!
Grabbing our hiking gear, me with my backpack and John with his loaded fanny pack, we started our accent. The trail is 3 miles out and back but it can be a grueling almost 2000 foot elevation gain. I’m decently fit but this accent gets your heart racing right away!
I love this hike! It’s got many things I enjoy on a hike – incline, rock scrambling, shade, sun, cable challenges. It’s like a natural playground.
BUT it also has steep drops looking straight down the side of the mountain. This is my least liked characteristic of any trail.
I’m terrified of heights!
Like stated above, I’ve done this trail to the peak twice before and figured I’d have no problem getting up there again. As a matter of fact I was really looking forward to it!
Getting to the saddle felt great! We had just ascended about 1000 feet in a mile. We took in the views of the valley below, chugged some water and had a quick snack then headed into the more difficult section – the cables and steep drop areas.
I remember doing this hike for the first time in January 2021 with Stephanie, I honestly had little worries about how high up we were. Then hiking it with John later I remember having a couple of slightly panicked situations but I got through them.
For some reason, this time was different.
As soon as I hit the first cable system after the saddle I panicked a little. I didn’t let John know, he was having too much fun. I hiked through that, maybe I was fine.
I actually got past a couple of sections that previously scared me with no problem this time, I figured all was well in my head. Nope.
We hit a section that didn’t bother me before, the one I thought I’d have the most issues with my fear of heights – the climbing up the side of the mountain with a 200 foot drop behind me. No cables. Just me, my body and my gloves. This time I freaked out.
I froze!
Then I cried.
My body went stiff and I couldn’t move! My mind said to me “If you move, you’ll die.”
This is a horrible situation. I knew my body could do this but my brain was saying no. When my brain says no then the body follows along.
After about a minute of both John and I trying to calm me down I regained my composure and thought I could continue. John decided for me that I was not in the right mindset to complete this trek. He was correct. So we headed back.
Figuring Out Why I Couldn’t Climb Picacho Peak (This Time)
I was thoroughly confused as to why I reacted this time to a trail I had done twice before. Then it hit me – I knew all the places on the trail that would challenge my fear of heights and I anticipated them. The first couple of times I was not familiar with the trail, this time I was.
My mind had already mapped out all the locations on the trail that would challenge it.
Hiking peaks is very new to me. When I hike alone I avoid trails that I believe will be too high for me. I’ve done this for years. Yet now that I have hiking partners and I’m venturing to new locations all the time (because I’m an RV nomad) I decided to try new challenges.
Being able to hike this peak twice then failing the third time has taught me that I can overcome my fear, I just can’t think about it too much, like I did today.
Don’t many of our fears come from overthinking?
We did have a wonderful hike! The sun was shining, wild flowers were in bloom and birds sang from the trees and cliff walls. On our way back to the RV at camp we grabbed some ice cream for tonight and didn’t think twice about my “chickening out.” It’s all a part of the adventure.
Next time I’ll try to convince my brain that my thighs and feet can get us up there just fine.
